Attendant's View Blog and Cartoons

Make your next art exhibition even artier with one click

19/3/2016

Thanks to Arty Bollocks.com your next artist statement for an exhibition will be easy!

With one click you can generate a wall of impenetrable yet somehow important sounding nonsense, which will have everyone acting as if they know what it means, and saying that it adds so much depth knowing about the origins of the work.

Keep clicking for new versions, and also try the short tweet version.

Try Arty Bollocks

Artist Statement

My work explores the relationship between multiculturalism and football chants.With influences as diverse as Nietzsche and Joni Mitchell, new combinations are crafted from both orderly and random discourse.

Ever since I was a child I have been fascinated by the ephemeral nature of meaning. What starts out as vision soon becomes manipulated into a tragedy of greed, leaving only a sense of unreality and the dawn of a new beginning.

As wavering derivatives become distorted through diligent and critical practice, the viewer is left with a testament to the possibilities of our culture.

Don't believe that the sort of text generated is plausible? Check out what I found in a recent exhibition, just after discovering arty bollocks for the first time. It does make sense, eventually, but woe to anyone foolish enough to stray into the gallery thinking they can get a quick general overview from the panels, and not have to read all of the text in the gallery guides....

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Surprisingly Determined

11/3/2016

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Past the barriers.
Past the signs.
Past the tools, hoover, wood and glass.
Through the dismantled door.
Past the barriers.
It was a valiant quest, yet ended in the bitter and perhaps gradually obvious disappointment of "No, we're not open right now. Can I get someone to safely escort you back to the cafe and shop?"

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The ego is the problem, and the solution.

4/3/2016

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Artist: "I loaned X for display, I'll be in the area on Y day so will pick it up then."
Staff: "Um...Y is over a month before the exhibition finishes, and when the loan was arranged you agreed to it being here until the end of the exhibition."
Artist:"Oh. Is it really that important for X to be on display?"

Hang on, I can work with this...

Staff: "...oh yes, people have loved it, the public are really surprised to see it and it's had a lot of positive comments."
Artist:"Perhaps it would be best to keep it on show until the end then..."

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A bit chintzy

1/3/2016

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"Try searching for 'wall curio cabinet', that sounds like the kind of thing you are looking for"

I don't think our museum is quite ready for this design ethis just yet.

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Make your next art exhibition even artier with one click

Surprisingly Determined

The ego is the problem, and the solution.

A bit chintzy

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